Geranium

Before I say anything, please look at this link:

http://newsroom.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/commentary/the-publicity-dilemma

and if you have a minute help me out by going to

http://www.hbo.com/apps/submitinfo/contactus/submit.do?title=Big%20Love&questiontype=biglove

and ask to not air the episode in which shows sacred ordinances on TV which we would like to keep sacred. We do not have to be mean, just frank. Thank you.

Switching subjects, today was Kat's memorial at school. The band played a beautiful arrangement of 'You Raise Me Up' by Josh Groban. It was beautiful, so beautiful I got goosebumps all over my arms. After they stopped playing, the band quietly exited and the school waited for a while to applaud. Yes, it was that moving.

I found my sister afterwards in the commons and she was near Kat's parents. I don't know how to describe them because no single word, no matter how long, can explain what they're going through, but they seemed pulled together. I got the feeling that they embraced what was happening. They knew they would be alright eventually. It simply, or rather not so simply, takes time to heal.

My friend Megan was crying. She said, "Think of their poor family." I looked over and saw Kat's mom embracing a young lady comforting her and tears immediately welded up in my eyes. I realized I hadn't cried since I heard what happened. I had held on to it for three days. I have never wanted to disappear from somewhere more then I did at that moment. I did not want to loose it in public. Suddenly, the busy commons was no longer busy. Silence filled my head and I was finally able to think.

What is happening? How could someone my age, who I expected to be around as long as me, be gone?

Today I tried to be nicer to everyone I came in contact with. It didn't matter if it meant an extra smile, or a helping hand, it was my mission for today. I feel good about what extra I did for the most part. I'm trying to get into the mentality that everyone should be treated as if it was the last time I would see them. There should be no special circumstances. This evening at dinner however, I realized I was making an effort for everyone else except those who matter most to me. My family. Does that make any sense? I don't think it does. If anything happened to me or them and I had treated them anything but wonderful I would never forgive myself.

I apologize my updates have not been as bright and warm as normal. But life is still beautiful and my favorite hobby.


Breathe in, close your eyes and feel it. That is beauty right there.
Take care all.