Knock-Knock part 1

For drama, we had to write a 10 minute play. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the first installment! Here's what ya need to know: It's a mellow drama so if you choose to read it, read it super exaggerated-- Dudley Do-Right style. K? Thanks.

Knock-Knock
by Yours Truly

Scene 1- Opal’s House.

Phone rings. Phone rings again. And again. Finally OPAL comes rushing on stage in an apron with flour on her nose.

She makes her way over to the phone. Before she picks it up, she takes a deep breath.

Opal: (pleasant) Hello, this is Opal speaking. (listens carefully)… Whose there?... Orange who?.... (SUDDEN burst of laughter) HAHAHA! Oh Clarence you slay me!

OPAL plops on the couch by the phone

Opal cont: So you know, I was thinking (pause) we should go out tonight…. You’re busy? (Opal’s face falls)… A present?... Where?... On my door step? Hold on a moment, let me go check.

OPAL puts down the phone and goes to the door. She opens it, and standing there is CLARENCE.

Opal cont: CLARENCE!
Clarence: OPAL!

They embrace. While still embracing they begin to speak.

Opal: I’ve missed you so much Clarence!
Clarence: I know my darling girl.
Opal: It’s been, what? Two- maybe three…. hours?
Clarence: I know my darling girl.

They release each other and Opal turns away flirtatiously.

Opal: So Clarence… what do I owe this pleasure?

Clarence turns away flirtatiously as well.

Clarence: Does a keen young man such as myself have to have a reason to visit his doll face?

Clarence and Opal’s heads turn to each other at the same time. They run to the middle of the stage. Come to an abrupt halt and then hug again. While in an embrace they speak.

Clarence: Did you hear about the wooden car with wooden wheels and the wooden engine?

Opal pulls away from the hug.

Opal: No. What are you talking about?
Clarence: It wooden go!
Opal: (sudden burst of laughter and enters back into the hug) Oh Clarence! You are the bee’s knees!

Still in an embrace.

Opal: Oh! I need to show you what I made!
Clarence: I’d love to see it my darling girl!
Opal: But that means I must depart- but only for a few seconds.
Clarence: No!
Opal: But I must!

She pulls away from the hug, arms out in front of her, walking backwards (so facing him) as she goes off stage.

Clarence checks to see if the coast is clear. He pulls out a ring from his pocket, looks at it, and then brings it up to the light when he accidentally drops it into a nearby fish bowl. Clarence is horrified. He runs to the bowl and puts his hand in, searching for it.

Clarence: A-HA!!

Clarence tries to get his hand out but he can’t due to his hand being clenched in a fist. Reluctantly he let’s go of the ring and slides his hand out.

Opal: (from off stage) I’ll be right out dear!

Clarence, startled, jumps.

Clarence: (in forced calmness) Take your time doll face! Take all the time in the world! You have plenty of time! Really. PLENTY of time.

He lets out a nervous giggle and gets back to work. He studies the fish bowl for a moment and then suddenly, and with out warning, dumps out the fish bowl contents onto the floor- pebbles, water, fish and all. He runs his hands through everything.

Clarence: What? No.

He’s scrambling now. There is no ring in sight. Clarence spots the fish.

Clarence: YOU!

Clarence picks up the fish.

Clarence: (menacingly) Give me the ring or I will-

He pauses with anger and begins to pound the fish on the floor. Over and over and over…Opal walks in with a large, lumpy, and quite ugly looking cake.

Opal: WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO GENEVIEVE?
Clarence: Your fish is named Genevieve? I mean- it-it-it was… choking!
Opal: Do you think I’m a dumb dora? Even I know fish don’t choke!
Clarence: No not at all. My apologies my darling girl.
Opal: Now put her back in the fish bowl. NOW!

Clarence carefully puts Genevieve back in the waterless fish bowl.

Opal: (still a bit upset) Now. I baked us a cake.
Clarence: I see that my darling girl!
Opal: (handing Clarence a fork from her apron) Would you like a bite?
Clarence: Of course my darling girl.

Without hesitation, Clarence digs in and begins to chew. His face changes from a smile to a look of disgust.

Opal: Oh no! Do you not like it?
Clarence shakes his head and forces a smile.
Opal: You’re lying. You hate it!
Opal turns away from Clarence with her arms crossed.
Clarence looks around, sees a plant and spits it out.
Clarence: No it was wonderful. Ab-so-lute-ly swell!
Opal: I don’t believe you. (Still turned away from Clarence.)
Clarence: But it’s true!
Opal: Prove it.
Clarence: How do you expect me to do that?
Opal: Take another bite.
Clarence: (slightly higher voice than usual) Is there… any other way?
Opal: (turns to face Clarence) CLARENCE!
Clarence: Alright my darling girl, alright!

Clarence slowly points his fork towards the cake and begins to get a piece of cake when… there’s a knock at the door.

Clarence: (under his breath) Thank heavens.
Opal: Did you say something?
Clarence: Me? No. Nothing.

Opal goes to answer the door. MARTIN enters.

Martin: Good day Opal!
Opal: Good day Martin. What can I do for you?
Martin: I was just in the neighborhood and thought I’d stop and say hello… (clears throat) Hello.
Opal: Well hello! Would you like some cake? (she goes to get the cake) Clarence here doesn’t like it.
Martin: He doesn’t? Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.
Clarence: That is not true. I love it. Best cake I’ve ever had.
Martin: Are you calling Opal a liar?

Opal gasps.

Clarence: Never!
Martin: Oh. I just thought you were implying…. (Martin trails off and takes a bite) Oh my stars. This is scrumptious!
Opal: (to Clarence) See?

While Opal says, “See?” Martin spits out the cake into a near by plant.

Clarence: Wha- (gestures towards Martin)

Martin is smiling innocently.

Clarence: Martin, would you please excuse us for-
Martin: Actually Opal. You caught me. I did come here with an alterior motive.
Opal: Oh?
Martin: Yes.
Clarence: I beg your pardon Martin but I really do need to talk to Opal alo-
Martin: I was hoping you might accompany me to the Juice Joint tonight.
Clarence: Are you out of your mind? Opal is not a dumb dora. She’s never done anything illegal in her li-
Opal: Actually Clarence. I can make my own decisions thank you very much. I would absolutely love to accompany you tonight.
Martin: Pick you up at 8?
Opal: 8 it is!

Martin exits smoothly.
Opal turns to face Clarence.

Clarence: (cautiously) Before you say anything rash, let me just say the following: How does a flea get from place to place? (Opal does not answer) By itch-hiking! Get it? ITCH-hiking?.... No?
Opal: Clarence! I’ll have you know: First! I have been to a speakeasy before thank you very much.
Clarence: Alright, well, I don’t think that’s the best idea Opal.
Opal: And second! Fish have feelings!

Opal rushes off stage in a huff.

Clarence: (to himself) Fish do not have feelings. Do you Genevieve. (he notices there is no water in the fish bowl) Genevieve!


to be continued....
dun. dun. dun.